What a year this has been! We were all presented with a smorgasbord of issues just the way a contestant on Chopped is presented with a box of ingredients that make absolutely no sense. But unlike those contestants, we did not voluntarily walk into the lion’s den. It came to us… Nevertheless, here I am, trying to write about how it is still possible to put our grievances (with life) aside and welcome the new year with optimism.
Yes, it can be done. So, bear with me…
Towards the end of any year, we cannot help but find ourselves reflecting on how it went. There’s a whole lot of soul-searching that guides the final days before the glittery ball drops. This year, the party’s going virtual just like everything else. I’m okay with it because the alternative would’ve been completely irresponsible – the hangovers of which would’ve lasted well beyond the dawn of the new year, new week, or even month.
The virus is very much alive. In fact, the new mutated strain from Britain lies suspended in the air like an intimidating threat. The timing is, of course, terrible since the grim news seems to be directly competing with headlines dedicated to the availability of the vaccine.
By now, I’ve seen several photos of friends in healthcare flashing the thumbs-up sign after receiving the vaccine. They all vouch for its safety which is necessary to dispel the mind-boggling myths surrounding the contents of the shot. But then, conspiracy theories have a way of prevailing in conjunction with trail-blazing events, especially.
This year was also packed with other types of fights which still show no signs of wrapping up and receding into the annals of history. I’m talking about the defeat of a man whose square dance on the political floor is difficult to interpret. The country broke into a much-needed party in the week following the election. The end was in sight, or so we thought. Friends joked about how the incessant celebrations following T’s firing served as a cautionary tale for incompetent bosses everywhere. Still, the man in question has yet to concede.
Political drama aside, we – the masses – have incurred troubles that have directly challenged our emotional health. So many have lost jobs. There are mouths to feed and here we are, picking desperately at the linings of our pockets so we can put something reasonable on the dinner table. The biggest tragedy is that many of those mouths have turned to dust. The toll of the virus is enormous because this giant, unrelenting beast continues to lie at the center of all of our collective troubles.
Yet, there is no denying that the year is approaching an end. It is inevitable. We are presented with a choice: wallow in the mire, or pull ourselves up by the bootstraps?
It is easy and very natural for us to lose ourselves into the abyss called ‘worry.’ Bad news surrounds us. The environment, war, geo-political turmoil, terrorism, and this year’s biological super-fight has us worried and weary. But indulging in news of all this doom does nothing for our spirits. Worry doesn’t fix anything. If it did, then it would’ve been a great defense mechanism against everything!
The one thing worry is good at is dominating our attention. Our brains give more time to absorbing bad news. There are sociological, psychological, and physiological reasons why. And it doesn’t help much when the media remains hyper-focused on stories that seem to threaten our survival when we are hard-wired to look for ways to ensure it.
This brings me to the first tip on becoming more optimistic in the face of all of our problems:
Stop worrying!
The only tangible result that of constant worry is poor health which will create more misery. Break the cycle of worrying incessantly. Instead of fretting over things you cannot control, focus your energy on changing your behavior and looking on the bright side. Studies have shown that pessimists have a harder time with having meaningful relationships, earning a better income, and maintaining good health. On the contrary, optimists tend to be more successful in terms of money and relationships. They also live longer.
The truth is that worry is a part of life. No one can truly escape it. In fact, our genetic make-up and socio-economic status has a lot to do with whether or not we view life through a positive lens. That said, we are able to modify our behavior by tuning out worrisome thoughts.
Set aside ‘worry time’
This piece of advice will certainly raise eyebrows, particularly since it follows the point listed above. However, psychiatrists recommend that people do so… and with good reason.
Instead of saving it for bedtime, set aside about a half hour to make a list of all of your worries during the middle of the day. Treat the worry time as an opportunity to make a practical to-do list which you will try to tackle as the day goes on. Pretty soon, you will end up with a journal that will show you two separate lists of issues: problems you can solve and those you cannot.
You can then devote your energy to ticking away at issues you can find a solution for. The ones you cannot find an immediate solution for can then command your full attention. At the very least, the mere acknowledgment of those issues will give you a sense of control and the determination to try and find a solution along the way.
Become your best ally
If you find yourself criticizing your appearance or behavior, stop. Instead, practice kindness towards yourself.
Imagine that your friend is fretting over a few extra pounds she gained over the holidays. What would you do? Would you assess her appearance from head to toe and rattle off rather unkind words, or would you empathize with her? As a good friend, the normal behavior in this situation would be console her and then encourage her to take up healthy habits once again.
Everyone slips up now and then. The sensible thing to do is to accept slip-ups and vow to do better. Optimism and a positive attitude will go a long way. Now is a great time to begin practicing.
Set a realistic goal for yourself
It is alright to set realistic goals for yourself. As we inch closer to the new year, many people are making their resolutions known. Setting goals is a good thing because it shows you are looking forward to accomplishing more than you did in the year past.
Imagine your best self this time next year. What would you like to see in the mirror? Where do you see yourself in terms of family, career, or health?
Once you have a goal in mind, work on finding ways to accomplish it. Remember that there will be days when you might feel disillusioned. You might even question your goal when the going gets tough. But if it is something you really want, then keep your eye on the prize and work towards attaining it one day at a time.
Even if the year passes and you find yourself a mile short of your goal, at least you will have lived with optimism guiding your way. You will have focused on the possibility of your dream coming true as opposed to being obsessed with the thought of failure.
The possibility of disappointment
As hinted above, life can get in the way of accomplishing our dreams. But does that mean we anticipate failure constantly? Although that can be an option for some, living in constant fear of the worst can rob us of hope.
Why do some people always expect the worst? Could it be that they’re trying desperately to protect themselves from disappointment? … That’s a reasonable assessment. However, someone with a pessimistic attitude misses out on anticipating positive and happy moments. What kind of an existence is that?
The reality is that our predictions can be off. We could anticipate a happy ending and find nothing but trouble. We could also anticipate a terrible outcome and be pleasantly surprised, instead. The best thing to do is to go with the flow and approach life with a positive attitude.
Surround yourself with positive people
This one is pretty straight-forward. Make it a personal goal to spend more time with optimistic people. Their optimism and positive attitude will rub off on you. Life is short. Wallowing in misery will only put a damper on your days, especially if things are beyond your control. Choose happiness, instead.
Practice gratitude
Last, but certainly not least, make time to examine all of your blessings and practice gratitude. It is easy to create wish lists and draw comparisons with the lives of those who we assume are seemingly better off. This is especially true in a world where social media constantly bombards us with all things perfect and pretty.
It is important to remember that there is no one out there with a perfect life. Everyone has some sort of struggle they are battling. The battle, itself, rarely surfaces on social media posts but that doesn’t mean it does not exist.
So, it is best to focus on what you have versus what you don’t have. Make it a habit to jot down all the things you are grateful for. If writing is not your thing, then reflect on your blessings while you take a walk or drive. The idea is to always practice gratitude.
With the tips listed above, my hope is that you will venture into the new year with a more robust attitude. The past year was a year filled with challenges, many of which will likely accompany us well into 2021.
However, every challenge eventually withers away in the end just the way the good times dim now and then.
I wish you all a very peaceful new year.
Katherine says
Great post! Worrying can always get in the way! One thing I always try to remember is not to compare myself with others. I find that will get me down in the dumps really quick. Thanks for sharing
Seema Iqbal says
Yes, comparisons always result in more negativity. There’s no need for that at all. Thank you for your comment. Wishing you a great start to the year.