In November 2017, I read about a Muslim gentleman by the name of Dr. Abdul-Munim Sombat Jitmoud who moved an entire courtroom to tears by pardoning his son’s murderer. In doing so, he elevated the meaning of forgiveness to a whole new level. The story of his big-heartedness was simply beyond my comprehension. How was it possible that anyone would carry within their heart such unfathomable compassion and kindness towards a person who had ruthlessly taken his son’s life?
I shared the story with my husband and retold it, albeit in an abbreviated child-friendly manner, to my little ones at bedtime. They asked a variety of questions to satiate their curious minds until their eyelids could no longer resist sleep. I kissed them on their foreheads and quietly left the room.
Months later, a friend shared on social media that the kind gentleman was scheduled to visit our mosque in Waterloo, Iowa, to talk about the incident. One of his students had arranged for him to speak to the community about his life-changing experience.
I told my husband that we needed to stay in town the weekend of his visit because missing out on meeting Dr. Jitmoud was out of the question. Just then, an idea crossed my mind: What if I approached him for an interview so I could feature him on my blog, The Qelem? The world needed to hear his remarkable story!
A voice within me responded aloud, ‘I’m sure Dr. Jitmoud is a very busy man. How would he agree to make time for your little blog?’
Another voice — a more persistent and stubborn one — refused to give in: ‘It never hurts to ask.’
So, I looked up Dr. Jitmoud’s social media profile and summoned up the courage to request an interview.
Within a half hour, I received a response. To my utter surprise, Dr. Jitmoud agreed to make time for our meeting. I was so touched by his message. He mentioned his dearly departed wife and asked me to say a prayer for her. She had passed away years prior after battling cancer.
I marked my calendar and began waiting for April 6, 2018.
“I Have Nothing But Time…”
An hour before we were scheduled to meet, the school called to let me know that the main water line had broken resulting in early dismissal. Talk about life’s old habit of throwing loops around. But I was not about to give up. I picked up the kids, fed them, and drove to the mosque. It was actually easy to get them excited to meet this fascinating man because they remembered his story.
After prayers, I waited for Dr. Jitmoud to meet us. My husband happened to have the rest of the afternoon off so I urged him to stick around as well.
I had seen Dr. Jitmoud’s photograph online so I instantly recognized him. He was dressed in a simple long white cotton shirt, black pants, and a black blazer. The fourth finger on his left hand was adorned with a metallic ring inscribed with the word “Allah” in Arabic. My eyes skimmed over his blazer pocket and noticed two pens and a miswak stick. Our Prophet Mohammed, may peace and blessings be upon him, used to rely on miswak to support oral hygiene. Cleanliness, in Islam, is highly revered and Muslims are urged to follow the Prophet’s example and live hygienically.
I introduced myself to him and thanked him for setting aside time to speak to me. I found him to be very soft-spoken and gentle-hearted.
“I have nothing but time,” he smiled.
My children wrapped their arms around me and I introduced them to Dr. Jitmoud. He caressed their heads lovingly. One of the men at the mosque stepped out of nowhere and handed each one my kids Lindt candy.
I asked Dr. Jitmoud if he was ready for his interview. He laughed: “I want to interview you first!”
He thanked me for taking the initiative to reach out to him and for volunteering my time and skills to put his message across to readers the world over. I was taken aback by his down-to-earth nature and humility. What truly surprised me was the fact that my expectations turned out to be short-sighted. Instead of encountering a bitter and broken father, I found in him a strong and stoic man who still managed to somehow retain his wit and keen sense of humor despite the immeasurable grief life had hurled at him.
“That Was His Final Service To Humanity”
“Nearly three years ago on April 19, 2015, my son made his departure from this temporary world,” Dr. Jitmoud said softly, his eyes blinking back tears.
The grief is very much alive in those eyes although his smile tries to convince people otherwise.
“It has been a continuous healing process for us.”
I asked him if he wanted to share details of the incident; otherwise, we could skip directly to the court appearance that made headlines around the world.
“No problem, sister. People need to hear about my son.”
Dr. Jitmoud informed me that he had served as a Principal at the Islamic school in Lexington, Kentucky, for seven years.
“The school is highly accredited and is considered number four in the continent,” he shared. “After my term came to an end, I was offered a position at the Islamic school in Saint Louis, Missouri. I have six boys. My fifth-born, Salahuddin, decided to stay in Lexington while the rest of us moved to Saint Louis. Salahuddin was a college student at the time and was only 22 years old.”
The family traveled out of state often to meet up. Some time later, Dr. Jitmoud’s youngest son, Nuruddin, decided to move back to Lexington to keep his brother company. He was 18 at the time.
Salahuddin worked as a pizza delivery boy in order to make ends meet.
“He was a beautiful driver!” smiled his father. “The day he departed the world, we spoke as usual. It was Sunday, April 19.”
After praying Asr, Dr. Jitmoud called Salahuddin.
“He answered right away and said, ‘Baba, I have to make one more delivery for the night…’ I told him to hang up because I didn’t want him to speak on the phone while driving. It was raining heavily and I worried for his safety. We could talk afterwards when he was done delivering pizza.
“He responded with, ‘Insha Allah (God willing), Baba!’ and hung up… That was the last time we spoke.”
Nuruddin called his brother around 9:15 p.m. to ask when he would return home. Salahuddin told him the same thing he had told his father: “I have one more delivery scheduled.”
Nuruddin fell asleep on the couch waiting for him to return.
Salahuddin’s coworker was originally supposed to deliver that last pizza pie but she did not feel comfortable venturing in the direction of the address provided. The area was notorious for gang-related violence. Salahuddin offered to take on the delivery instead.
“That was his final service to humanity,” said Dr. Jitmoud gently. “He accepted the risk and saved his co-worker’s life during the process.”
Around 10 o’clock in the night, Salahuddin was murdered by a young man who slashed his jugular artery with a sharp knife.
Dr. Jitmoud paused briefly and his eyes welled up with tears. My heart ached for him. In the background, I could hear his other son, Musa, reciting the Holy Quran with such zeal and beauty. His melodious voice coupled with my children’s joyous and playful laughter offered a stark contrast to the apprehension that laced the moment.
“At 3:30 in the morning, I received a phone call from my son Ibrahim, informing me that Salahuddin had been murdered. Nuruddin was unable to get a hold of me so he called his older brother instead.
“My Only Consolation is That My Beloved Wife Had Been Spared This News…”
“Poor Nuruddin… The boy was in shock. The cops had showed up on his doorstep a few minutes earlier and told him his brother had been killed. He had answered the knock thinking his brother was finally home… My baby boy suffered such emotional trauma.”
Just then, my youngest daughter ran towards me and clasped her arms around my neck before planting a kiss on my cheek. Dr. Jitmoud smiled for a moment before another heavy pause ensued.
“I tried to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming… that it was not some sort of a nightmare… But when I realized that this was, unfortunately, reality… I recited loudly that we all belong to Allah and to him we shall return.”
Two years prior, Dr. Jitmoud’s wife had passed away after battling leukemia.
“Allah had prepared me for her imminent departure because she was ill. Even though I was bereaved when she left the world, I was mentally prepared for the news. Salahuddin’s death was a total shock.”
Dr. Jitmoud recalled pacing around his room following the dreaded call. But then a verse from the Holy Quran entered his mind and offered him indescribable comfort at that devastating juncture.
“I am the ninth-born in my family,” he shared. “I was born in 1951. The verse is from Surah Tauba, the ninth chapter of the Holy Quran, and the verse that came to mind is the 51st. You see the connection there?
“The verse translates as: ‘O Prophet, tell them: Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has written for us; He is our protector; and in Allah let the believers put their trust.’
“When this verse came to my mind, I felt that my son was in Allah’s protection. He was safe and in a far better place. I performed ablution and cleansed my body before bowing down to Allah in prayer. Afterwards, I sat in the dark until it was time for Fajr prayers. Out of nowhere, this incredible and overpowering wave of guilt overcame me and stirred my soul in the most violent manner… the guilt that I was not there to protect my son from his attacker.”
Even during that critical hour, Dr. Jitmoud did not feel an ounce of anger.
“I just felt extremely sad that someone had taken my son’s life,” he shared. “My only consolation was that my beloved wife had been spared this news. Had she been alive, it would’ve completely shattered her heart!”
“Although our grief was intense, we knew we had to start preparing for the funeral,” continued Dr. Jitmoud. “Muslims are required to bury their dead as soon as possible so they can meet Allah. … I announced the sad news at our mosque in Saint Louis. As I was about to leave, a gentleman approached me and said that I should find comfort in the fact that I am the father of a martyr… In Islam, if a person is killed while in pursuit of an honest living, he is considered a martyr. The gentleman’s words had immense healing power.”
Dr. Jitmoud traveled to Lexington, Kentucky, where he found further support from the Muslim community.
“I had served as a Principal at the school for several years. Through my sincere efforts, we were able to have the school accredited as a top Islamic institution.”
The Muslim community leaders coordinated the funeral arrangements in the best possible way. They had Salahuddin’s body released from the morgue and proceeded to perform Islamic burial rites.
It was decided that the mosque in Lexington was not large enough to accommodate the massive crowd that was expected to pay their final respects to the young man. Therefore, community leaders suggested that the funeral prayer be performed at the cemetery.
“News of Salahuddin’s murder was being reported all over the news, by now. CAIR contacted us and pledged their full support and promised to investigate whether or not this was a hate crime.”
My eldest daughter was sitting next to me, privy to the conversation. Although I agree that certain topics should be off-limits, my child (in her quiet ways) has exhibited a keen sense of maturity from a very young age. Perhaps it is her first-born status that has strengthened her listening and observation skills.
Dr. Jitmoud shifted gears and took all of us by surprise. His background as an educator was evident from the manner in which he asked her: “Child, do you know what is the state capitol of Kentucky? … It is Frankfurt!”
My daughter beamed — ever eager to learn something new.
Our conversation was punctuated with several such breaks… and each break clearly highlighted this great man’s resolve to continue living life to the fullest and to replenish everyone’s hearts and minds with knowledge in the most affectionate manner.
“As a Father, It Was Comforting to Know That My Boy Did Not Endure Prolonged Agony.”
“We drove to the state medical examiner’s office in Frankfurt, Kentucky, to view my son’s body. When we arrived, we were greeted by a very dignified man. He asked if I was Salahuddin’s father. When I said yes, he started to choke up.”
My daughter noticed her friend in the distance and asked to go play with her. Before long, the kids were busy again, enjoying an impromptu playdate.
Dr. Jitmoud continued: “The gentleman told me that he must’ve examined hundreds of bodies over the course of his career. But he had never seen one where a victim had been slaughtered with a very sharp knife… which most likely resulted in a quick death. As a father, it was comforting to know that my boy did not endure prolonged agony.”
My eyes welled up and I was unable to keep my composure beyond that point. I’m a mother. My entire world revolves around my children. They are the center of my universe… Looking at this man, I was convinced that the parenting journey has the potential to humble you in ways you may never imagine.
I wiped away my teardrops hastily but when I looked at Dr. Jitmoud’s glowing face, which looked as pained as it was composed, it became even more difficult for me to pull myself together. I looked at my trembling hands and took in the silence. Here sat a father whose only source of comfort was knowing that his son’s killer had extended ‘kindness’ in choosing a sharp knife, sparing him undue pain.
“After my son’s body was prepared for burial, I noticed that the skies were suddenly cloudy. Light rain started to fall which brought even more comfort to my heart. As we got closer to the cemetery, we noticed that the roads were congested. There were so many cars there. A huge crowd had turned up to pay their final respects to Salahuddin.
“Therefore, we decided to park a quarter mile away and walk to the burial site, instead. The hearse arrived with the casket, a short time later. I asked the people next to me, ‘forgive me but I need to greet my son… could you please make way for me?’”
I looked over at my husband, baffled by this man’s politeness.
“Sister, I have lived in the United States for over forty-five years,” emphasized Dr. Jitmoud. “I’ve lent a shoulder to countless coffins because the reward for respectfully burying the dead is immeasurable in Islam. But I can assure you, this burial was different.
“I tried to keep up with the procession but it seemed as if the coffin was being transported with such urgency. I tried to shoulder it but I simply could not keep up. The man shouldering the end of the coffin asked the one in the front to slow down. The man in the front complained that folks in the back were pushing ahead aggressively…
“There is a reason why I’m sharing these details with you, sister Seema,” explained Dr. Jitmoud. “Recall the saying of the Prophet Mohammed, may peace be upon him… ‘When the righteous soul departs the world, he or she will beg to be taken to their resting place as fast as possible so they can meet the Lord and the angels will grant them their wish.’ My son was a righteous young man.”
Dr. Jitmoud asked to see his son’s face one last time. Salahuddin, at the tender age of 22, had a dark spot on his forehead which indicates one’s sincere devotion to prayer.
“I am over sixty and I do not have the spot on my forehead even though I never miss a prayer. Yet, here was a very young man whose face shone so brightly… I kissed his forehead. His brothers lowered him into the grave while reciting prayers. I looked at my boy one last time and said goodbye… May Allah be with you always.”
After the burial, Dr. Jitmoud and his remaining sons headed towards the mosque. The silence during the car ride offered him the chance to reflect on his son’s life.
“I recalled the time my son was offered a job as a truck driver at UPS,” shared the gentleman. “My boy was an excellent driver. He loved driving. Salahuddin was already employed with UPS where he stocked trucks. So, when the opportunity to drive came up he was excited. The higher pay would help him finance his education so he could attain his life-long dream. However, his boss asked that he shave off his beard. For Salahuddin, that was a deal-breaker. Keeping a beard is regarded as a Sunnah (the Prophet Mohammed’s way) in Islam. As much as my son wanted to accept the job, he politely declined out of his own free will because to him the condition of shaving off his beard was completely unacceptable.”
“Many Speculated Whether or Not This Qualified as a Hate Crime.”
Salahuddin was also a brilliant student and very talented. After high school, he was accepted into the Film Production program at the university in Northern Kentucky. The institution offered him a partial scholarship.
“We did not have the means to pay for the remainder,” emphasized the father. “Although we had the option of taking out a loan, doing so would’ve involved incurring interest. I reminded my son that his mother and I had never allowed ourselves to be involved in such dealings. It is against our religion. I told him, ‘We don’t think you would like us to start making a war against Allah and His messenger because of your case.’”
Salahuddin agreed with his father.
“He gently replied, ‘it is alright, Baba,” the bereaved father smiled. “’I don’t have to study there. Allah will open up other avenues for me. I trust in Allah and He will guide me.’ He was such a polite and obedient son, indeed.”
When he arrived at the mosque, Dr. Jitmoud found an even larger crowd waiting for him. Amongst them was the mayor of Lexington, the chief of police, and the investigators involved in cracking the case. Emotions were running high. Some people were struggling to contain their anger and demanded justice. Many speculated whether or not this qualified as a hate crime. The Muslim community in Lexington, Kentucky, was on edge.
“I addressed the people and urged them not to be angry or sad for us,” continued Dr. Jitmoud. “I reminded them that although we loved Salahuddin, Allah loved him more. When Allah decrees something, it shall happen.”
In his effort to comfort the grieving father, one man informed Dr. Jitmoud that his mother was in Saudi Arabia performing Umrah and that she was praying for Salahuddin. The words resonated with him. His son had traveled through life with three distinct intentions: (1) To complete his studies in film production; (2) To settle down and have a family; and (3) To perform Hajj (the annual pilgrimage to Mecca).
“The night before his death, my son was volunteering at a fundraiser. The community was raising money to finance Masjid Bilal. Salahuddin told a friend there that he really wished to visit Saudi Arabia one day to perform pilgrimage… My son’s wish came true when this man’s mother prayed for his soul.”
After Salahuddin’s murder, investigators accompanied Dr. Jitmoud to the crime scene. They noticed that most of the blood stains had already been cleaned away but some remained splattered on the concrete floor. Residents of the apartment complex looked on with curiosity. One couple stepped up, introduced themselves and offered information that brought the father great comfort.
“An Iraqi couple, Saad and Amina, happened to live in the apartment building where the crime had occurred. They resided on the first floor. Amina told me that when the police knocked on her door in search of the murderer, she looked over and saw Salahuddin’s body leaning against the wall in the breezeway. His bright red blood was diluting away with the rain and an unexplainable fragrance lingered in the air.
“Amina shared that her gaze somehow rested upon Salahuddin’s right hand. At first, she wondered whether all of his fingers, except the index, had been amputated during the struggle. As she looked closer, she noticed that the index finger was raised feebly as if my son had breathed his last while reciting the Kalima Shahadah — the final verse Muslims are urged to utter as the soul departs the body.”
Dr. Jitmoud paused briefly before continuing: “I thanked Amina for telling me everything. It brought me great consolation knowing that my son was still able to remember Allah during his dying moments.”
The lady did not know at the time that the victim was a Muslim because he was wearing a baseball cap and uniform. The next morning, she turned on the news and discovered that his name was Salahuddin Ayub Jitmoud.
“The police arrested two suspects,” continued Dr. Jitmoud. “After a thorough investigation, they let the men go because they had no connection to the crime. That was our biggest concern. I kept telling the police to be very careful in their assessment because I did not want an innocent person to pay for a crime he or she did not commit.”
Some time later, the police arrested Trey Relford who was about the same age as Salahuddin.
“I was on my way to Saint Louis when I received a phone call from the chief detective who informed me that he had found Relford’s car which ultimately led to his arrest. I uttered Takbeer, Allahu Akbar (God is great) because we finally had a break in the case.”
Investigators questioned Relford thoroughly to ascertain that he had, indeed, committed the crime. It turned out that he had called several pizza delivery restaurants that evening and stalked drivers until he managed to ensnare Salahuddin. Prior to that, he wasn’t able to execute his plan because delivery timeframes were jammed due to a peak in customer orders.
“He called up the Pizza Hut where Salahuddin was working and placed an order from a fake phone number,” explained his father. “I don’t think he intended to rob Salahuddin specifically, but planned to rob whosoever delivered pizza to him at that designated location… That was the appointed time for Salahuddin to return to the Mercy of Allah as He had decreed, Subhana Allah.”
“The Team of Prosecutors Was Surprised. Some of Them Started Tearing Up.”
Relford provided a fake address when he placed his order, proving that this was a pre-meditated violent crime.
“For the next two years and seven months, we repeatedly met with prosecutors and each time I urged them to make sure that he was the killer,” stressed Dr. Jitmoud. “They went out of their way to also ensure that this was not a hate crime. As time went on, investigators proved that Relford was the one behind the robbery and murder. He had also tampered with evidence at the crime scene.”
Dr. Jitmoud requested a meeting with the killer and his parents. The prosecutor was surprised to hear that question and asked his motive.
“I told him that I felt terrible for the parents for having given birth to a murderer,” responded Dr. Jitmoud. “I wanted to comfort them. I also wanted to comfort Relford because his addiction to drugs fogged his mind and led him to commit a major sin against humanity.”
The team of prosecutors was surprised. Some of them started tearing up.
“They told me they had never heard of such an explanation before… The attorney explained that there are certain laws in place that prevent a victim’s family members from communicating directly with the defendants.”
Dr. Jitmoud traveled to Thailand to see his family after Chief Mark Barnard assured him that the case would be professionally pursued in his absence. He returned in time for the trial which was set for November 7, 2017. He and his son, Musa, started preparing for the appearance.
“We had long talks about how we should approach the trial. There was so much sadness in our hearts but I wanted to make sure that we walk into court without a trace of anger and negativity. I discussed our options with my sons, especially Nuruddin — our youngest one. He was always very close to Salahuddin and was perhaps the one most affected by the trauma.”
Dr. Jitmoud told Nuruddin that it would be best for him to not appear in court if he was even the least bit angry.
“I had a talk with him and reminded him that it was the drugs, not Relford himself, that should be held responsible for Salahuddin’s murder. His judgment was clouded. Salahuddin was already gone. No amount of punishment could bring him back. He had accepted a very noble death… he was a Shaheed, a martyr, and we should be grateful for that.”
The family decided to offer a pre-deal because the trial could’ve gone on for a very long time. If Relford was proven guilty, he would’ve been sent to the electric chair.
“I told my sons that we should be kind to Trey Relford because if we can even save one life, we can save humanity!”
The offer was accepted by the defense. Dr. Jitmoud made his way to Lexington, Kentucky, to appear in court.
“My son had been killed unjustly but proceeding with the trial and having his murderer arrested had fulfilled our duty towards him,” explained the bereaved father.
As they waited for Relford to be brought out, Dr. Jitmoud noticed that the defendant’s side of the courtroom was packed with his supporters. He used to play basketball and was, apparently, very popular.
“It was the first time we had seen this kid face-to-face,” recalled the gentleman. “He walked in quietly and sat down on a chair with his head bowed. He reminded me of my students at the Islamic school who were brought into my office for a talk whenever they misbehaved.”
Dr. Jitmoud’s team had advised him to always address the Fayette Circuit Judge, Kimberly Bunnell, and the audience, not the defendant. He complied when he went into details about Salahuddin’s life as a kind and obedient son. The audience as well as the judge fought back tears as he recounted his young life.
“I could not help myself… I looked over at Trey even though I was not supposed to,” Dr. Jitmoud said softly. “I’ve been a Principal for so many years. I never used my office as a place of punishment. Rather, I viewed it as a place of purity and growth so I could encourage the youth to change their ways and adopt a positive attitude towards life… In that moment, the courtroom transformed right before my eyes into my office.”
“Son, I Forgive You on Behalf of Salahuddin, His Mother, His Brothers, and Myself!”
The judge and the defense lawyers did not interrupt Dr. Jitmoud as he addressed Relford.
“I addressed him directly and called him ‘son.’ I wanted him to understand that I wanted to speak to him. I wanted him to know that I cared about him and that I empathized with him. I wasn’t angry at him. He had been misled by the devil. He had committed the crime without fully understanding what he was doing. I felt sorry for him and I told him, ‘Son, I forgive you on behalf of Salahuddin, his mother, his brothers, and myself!’”
The judge called for recess following which Trey’s father took the stand. He explained, in between tears, that his son was a kind-hearted boy who showed great promise until he fell into drugs and poor company. His mother, Gail Coote Bird, appeared next and thanked Dr. Jitmoud for his kindness towards her son.
The judge sentenced Trey to 31 years in prison. Originally, he was to receive a 36-year sentence but Dr. Jitmoud’s desire to forgive him resulted in a shorter sentence.
The judge then asked Trey to speak.
“I was sitting down with my sons. Trey looked at me and started wiping his tears with the collar of his shirt. He reminded me of my sons and students, you know, when they would approach me to express remorse for committing a violation. He apologized sincerely for murdering my son and for causing us pain… and thanked me for forgiving him.
“Trey looked at his parents and brothers as if he needed help. I had tissue in my hand so I walked up to him, which was against protocol, and offered it to him. As he reached out to grab it, it felt natural to pull him into an embrace. So, I held him to my chest and comforted him.”
The entire courtroom was in tears by now, including the judge. Both families held together in an embrace and wept as Musa recited prayers.
Chief Barnard urged the judge to allow Dr. Jitmoud to meet with Relford in privacy. This was unprecedented. Yet, the judge allowed the request. They were led to a private room where they could speak for only four minutes.
“It was a tiny room with a security guard and enough space for two people,” explained the father. “I pulled up a chair for him and sat on another chair, facing him with our knees touching. I emulated the ways of the Prophet Mohammed. Recall the manner in which the Angel Gabriel ushered the Prophet towards the religion of Islam? He sat with him knee on knee.
“I looked down and noticed his shackles. It broke my heart. I told him, ‘son, I wish I could release you from these shackles.’ Trey was shocked. I told him the sentence has been reduced but the law of the land still had to be respected. Otherwise, I would want nothing more than to see him walk free.”
The words were beyond my grasp. I looked at him the way Trey must’ve… and the way anyone reading these statements might. I fail to understand how someone could still feel this way after suffering so much?
“Sister Seema… Hatred and vengeance bring nothing but frustration to us. They hinder us from moving on. Forgiveness is the greatest gift, or charity, in Islam. I have wholeheartedly forgiven Trey so Allah can forgive him too. I plan on visiting him in prison from time to time to make sure he is alright. Prison is a very tough place to be and I pray that Allah keeps him safe.”
As the four minutes ticked away rapidly, Dr. Jitmoud prayed that Trey finds peace within his heart and that Allah eventually guides him to a path that will bring him contentment.
“I told him that the old chapter of his life has come to a close and that a new chapter has opened up before him. I urged him to use the 31 years of confinement as an opportunity to live with purpose and with the promise that when he comes out, regardless of whether I’m around at that time or not, he helps those in need and guides them to the right path. I made him promise me that he will choose good friends because the sort of company we keep really informs the direction of our lives.”
The guard reminded him that time was up. Dr. Jitmoud rose to his feet.
“I hugged him one last time and said, ‘Goodbye, my son. See you later. May Allah be with you.’”
“Have you ever been to Saint Louis?” Dr. Jitmoud asked my husband. He replied in the negative. “Well then you must take your queen there for a visit… it is not so far!”
The manner in which Dr. Jitmoud speaks is calm, friendly, and carries an undeniable attribute of innocence. His children’s mannerisms reflect the same flavor of serenity.
Dr. Jitmoud is proud of all of his boys. He described them as intelligent and unique in their own way.
Speaking of Musa, in particular, he smiled: “Allah (swt) has granted him an insightful and analytical intelligence. His mother, Dr. Linda-Jamila (R) homeschooled him after eighth grade. He learned so much from her. They were very close.”
It was his mother’s inspiration that led Musa to attain an undergraduate degree in Philosophy and Religion.
“With Allah’s mercy, he became a Hafidh. He memorized the entire Quran in seven months, Alhamdulillah!” added the proud father.
“We Grieved Together and Supported Each Other Through Our Period of Grief.”
I called up Musa to ask how everyone was coping. He recently started accompanying his father at speaking engagements around the country.
“We are all doing okay… for the most part,” Musa stated. “Our eldest brother, Ahmed, lives in Spain with his family. The toughest issue he’s facing right now is that he’s far away from the rest of us. He is the captain of our ship. He is strong and positive about life in general. With him at the helm, we would certainly be stronger together. But we keep in touch as often as possible and that helps us greatly.”
Each member of the family is grieving in his own unique way.
“From the beginning, most of the anger came from Nuruddin,” continued Musa. “Adam, our second eldest brother, battled with vengefulness, too… Ibrahim expressed anger initially. But, as time went on he managed to find peace within.”
In fact, he turned out to be the most practical one of all of the brothers.
“He has always had this remarkable ability to set aside his emotions and take charge,” stated Musa. “He communicated so well with prosecutors to help move the case along.”
It is easy to understand why Nuruddin has struggled immensely after the loss of his brother. Recall that he was the one who lived with Salahuddin and was the first to endure the news of his death.
Like his brothers, Nuruddin studied at Islamic schools until eighth grade. Dr. Jitmoud was the Principal (Al-Mudir) of Lexington Universal Academy in Kentucky.
“The Islamic school only went up to the eighth grade,” explained Dr. Jitmoud. “We did enroll him in an IB program at a local public school but Nuruddin really missed the environment of Islamic schools. He has a strong sense of responsibility towards Islam.”
As a freshman in High School, Nuruddin started campaigning to designate time for Friday prayers on campus.
“Even though he graduated many years ago, the school still accommodates students for Friday prayers and the number of students who turn up has grown significantly!” added Dr. Jitmoud.
“My son Nuruddin has been a source of great pride for me, just like my other boys. I remember one day after morning prayers, he turned to me and said, ‘Baba, I’m a Muslim now.’ I smiled and asked, ‘Who were you all these years? Were you not a Muslim then?’”
His response made both parents feel content and comforted.
“He told us he was raised as a Muslim by his mother and father. His exact words were: ‘I was a Muslim because you and mom taught me to be. Now, I am a true Muslim on my own conviction. Islam is right for me without a doubt!’”
When I spoke to the young man over the phone, it was easy to see why Dr. Jitmoud feels so proud of his kids. The manner in which his children speak is courteous and filled with humility.
I introduced myself to Nuruddin. He had been expecting my call and was eager to speak to me about his family, particularly his big brother, Salahuddin.
“We were very close,” he shared. “We’re two years apart in age and were pretty much inseparable. Our mother had passed away a couple years prior. We grieved together and supported each other through our period of grief. We had the same group of friends… The night of his death, our common friend by the name of Joseph was hanging out at the apartment with me. We kept texting Salahuddin to come home.”
Salahuddin politely told them that he couldn’t speak on the phone while driving and assured them that he would return home soon enough.
“Joseph left around midnight,” reflected Nuruddin. “I waited in the front room and eventually fell asleep on the couch…”
A brief pause ensued before he sighed: “Speaking about that night still hurts to this day… The police came to our apartment at 3 a.m. and relayed the news to me. That moment and what happened immediately afterwards feels like a blur. I just remember feeling nothing but a lot of anger and sadness…”
There was some discussion about seeking professional help for Nuruddin to help him cope with the myriad of emotions he was experiencing.
“When something of this magnitude occurs, it can affect a person on various levels,” explained Musa. “Luckily, my brother is very spiritual and has a great circle of friends who all subscribe to different religions.”
My experience so far has been that people tend to turn inwards and seek comfort in their own brand of faith during trying times. So, this was an interesting finding. I asked Nuruddin to elaborate.
“He Taught Me That It is Extremely Important for Me to Understand My Emotions in Order to Balance My State of Mind.”
“I was lost,” the young man shared. “It was getting to the point where I was finding it quite difficult to function… My sister-in-law, Sabrina, recommended I take an Ayurveda course after she managed to derive great spiritual benefits herself.”
Ayurveda draws heavily from the Hindu philosophy.
“It was my great fortune to learn from a remarkable teacher,” stated Nuruddin. “He taught me that it is extremely important for me to understand my emotions in order to balance my state of mind.”
Ayurveda teachings lay a strong emphasis on the fact that the mind and body are intricately linked. If an individual were to forego caring for either the mind or the body, their psychological and physical health would suffer immensely.
“Satwa, rajas, and tamas are important qualities of the mind which help us control anger, anxiety, and trepidation,” explained Nuruddin. “I learned that it is necessary for me to not overlook my state of mind. Many times, trauma is too great for us to acknowledge because the pain associated with it is so intense. I learned that it was necessary for me to acquaint myself with my emotions so that I could begin the healing process.”
The young man also credits British author and counter-culture spokesperson, Alan Watts, for inspiring him spiritually.
“A year and a half ago, I started meditating again. I found great comfort in the Buddhist philosophy that is the hallmark of Watts’s interpretations. I developed a strong appreciation for the fact that having non-attached views on life can greatly open up our minds and hearts to the world around us. I am a devout Muslim but I like to think that I’m a spiritual man because my heart and mind are in sync. My feelings and thoughts are aligned and balanced.”
Nuruddin also turned his attention to Tasawwaf — the branch of Islamic knowledge that encourages Muslims to develop their spirituality.
“I live in Wisconsin with my brother, Ibrahim. We follow a sheikh based in Morocco who guides us.”
Tasawwaf is a collection of knowledge that focuses on the life and rhetoric of the Prophet Mohammed, may peace be upon him. Muslims regard him as the true embodiment of spirituality.
We believe that the path to cleansing the heart and soul is through purging the desire of worldly pursuits. In other words, adopting simplicity by way of Sufiism enables us to attain a deep level of spirituality which, in turn, connects us with our emotions and develops peace of heart and mind.
Nuruddin, along with his brothers Adam and Musa, also derive inspiration from Chinese philosophy.
“The concept of yin and yang, discipline, and inner peace emphasized since ancient times by Chinese philosophers offers a wealth of information to those who are in search of striking a balance in their lives,” stressed Musa.
Nuruddin agreed: “Our belief as Muslims is that one hundred and twenty-four thousand prophets were sent to different parts of the world. Their teachings had a heavy influence on every culture that documented philosophical knowledge. Therefore, it is easy to understand why we have not limited ourselves only to Islamic ideologies. And to be perfectly honest, all religions essentially offer the same core knowledge, i.e., respecting and loving others and being the best versions of ourselves.”
I asked him his thoughts on approaching his Imam for guidance. Most Muslims turn to faith leaders for counseling because visiting a psychiatrist or psychologist is still considered taboo in our culture.
“It is alright for folks to speak to their Imam about personal issues,” stated Nuruddin. “But it is important to remember that our religious leaders are not trained psychologists. They do not have the experience necessary to deal with intense psychological feelings.”
Perhaps public opinion regarding professional counseling can be persuaded if Imams, themselves, get on board with the idea and encourage their congregation to seek help, if needed. So many Muslims suffer in silence because they fear backlash from those who do not understand the need to manage mental health issues responsibly.
“Prayers can do wonders,” insisted Nuruddin. “In the initial days after my brother’s death, I tried to cover up my feelings. I put on a strong face and did nothing to take care of myself. Looking back, I think I should’ve prayed more. It would’ve given me the chance to slow down… to meditate and reflect. As time went on, I found myself in the midst of a strong support system. My family and friends surrounded me with love. It took away the necessity to seek professional help from counselors because my loved ones were only a phone call away. But if someone is not as fortunate as I am, I would strongly recommend they do more than just turn to prayers. It is perfectly okay to allow a professional to guide you through issues that are too complex to figure out alone.”
Musa added: “Yes! It is perfectly okay to take care of your physical and emotional wellbeing in the best possible way.”
Nuruddin is also learning Reiki.
“I completed the first level a few days before the trial and will be devoting more time to mastering the remaining levels. I see myself living the rest of my life as a spiritual guide and healer. A lot of people are trapped in situations that have spiraled out of control — be it depression, anger, frustration or drugs… as was the case with Trey Relford. I want to help people overcome their vices and live to their fullest potential.”
Our conversation turned to the day of the trial. I asked him how he felt walking into the courtroom.
“I was very angry during the days leading up to the court visit,” Nuruddin replied. “The day of the trial, I tried to be as subjective as possible… It was an unusual day. Nobody expected it to turn out the way it did. The moment I saw my father hug Trey, I realized that the kid was not a monster. He was human, just like the rest of us.”
The young man paused before saying: “In him I saw a young man who had so much potential. All that was wasted due to the situation he was in. Drugs and bad company were the vices that had led him to this juncture in life. It took a second for me to realize that. It literally took me a second to let go of my anger. I decided I wasn’t going to hurt him, or myself, with my anger.”
His father added: “Forgiveness truly is the greatest gift in Islam and the reason for that is… Our God, Allah, is the most merciful and most beneficent. Our abilities, our trials, our happiness and our successes are all from Allah. Allah gave us the power to forgive his servants so they can have a second chance to get to know him and to choose the right path. I am confident that Allah will guide Trey Relford to the right path.”
Dr. Jitmoud paused for a moment and then looked me in the eye, “I realize, sister Seema, that I may not live long enough to see Trey walk out of prison. But if I were destined to live that long, I will make sure I take him under my guidance. He is just like my sons and my students… only misguided.”
**********************
Dr. Jitmoud has traveled far and wide to deliver his message of forgiveness. He has also been featured on Morgan Freeman’s documentary, Story of God: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXLTWF9J0sM
Muhammed Yusuf Ersoy says
Where does Dr Jitmoud live? Or how can I contact hım? I want to visit him.
Seema Iqbal says
Thank you for your comment. Please contact Dr. Jitmoud through his Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Abdul-Munim-Sombat-Jitmoud-112334493525807/
Lisamechelle LaLonde says
This is so sad and heartbreaking. At the same time, there is such beauty in the faith and forgiveness he has in his heart. The world could learn so much from this man. Thank you so much for helping spread his story and sharing your experience with us. I am looking forward to reading part 2.
Seema Khan says
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Lisamechelle. I can safely say that I’ve never met anyone like Dr. Jitmoud. His positive attitude towards life is an inspiration to all of us.
Susan Tulu Bounds says
My heart aches for this family!! I’m on the edge of my seat, must read part 2!!!!